House Rules
by Airene Archerway
Summary: Because we all know that Sabrina and Puck's children will need some guidelines to prevent the house from blowing up. Attempted Humor.


**House Rules**

**#1**

Suggesting to Aunt Daphne that she should make a dictionary for her the words she makes up is not allowed. She takes it seriously, guys.

**#2**

Pushing someone into a pool is not the best way to start a romantic relationship, contrary to past events.

**#3**

Telling your friends that your father is a celebrity is not allowed.

**#4**

Harry Potter is not coming to Ferryport.

**#5**

This goes out to Emma especially, but being friends Peter Pan's son _just_ to piss off your dad is unappreciated.

**#6**

No, you cannot have a chimp army, Emma. That's final.

**#7**

Calling your sister a "bug" because of her wings is not appreciated, Emma.

**#8**

Stealing Aunt Daphne's wand and enchanting each other's clothes, make-up and accessories is not allowed, unless you have good intentions. (And you so rarely do.)

**#9**

Going up to Uncle Jake's newest girlfriend and telling her that she'll never be like Briar is prohibited.

**#10**

Starting an argument between Uncle Pinocchio and Aunt Daphne over words is not allowed.

**#11**

Stop pitting fights between Aunt Daphne and Uncle Basil over who the cooler aunt/uncle is.

**#12**

Trying to reinvent the glop grenade, as a barf bomb is not allowed, Emma.

**#13**

Telling your friends that your mom saved the world was only okay the first time. Now, it's getting old.

**#14**

Giving Ms. White apples even though you know she won't eat them is not gravy at all. It's a waste of food!

**#15**

Singing "Just the Girl" on your father and I's wedding anniversary is unappreciated, no matter how much he was grinning the entire time.

**#16**

No, your father isn't taking you to Neverland.

**#17**

Trying to find a girlfriend for Uncle Mustardseed is unappreciated.

**#18**

Challenging Mordred to a video game battle is not okay. Enchanting the game to make you win is not okay either.

**#19**

Just because you're princesses, doesn't mean that you can run around Faerie causing havoc.

**#20**

Alison, stop calling your sister "Dilemma".

**#21**

Stealing wands and shouting "Avada Kedavra!" just to see if it works is not allowed.

**#22**

You are not allowed to scream about moths and making your father believe it's the fairy, not the insect.

**#23**

Referring to your father and I as "Puckabrina" will result in your father referring to you and Parker as "Parkison".

**#24**

Asking me if something's wrong because I look a little _Grimm_ was not funny the first time.

**#25**

Using your father's version of events for your English homework of summarizing _A Midsummer's Night Dream_ will make you fail.

**#26**

Drawing a mustache on someone's face is also not the best way to start a relationship either.

**#27**

Neither is pelting him with your barf bombs, Emma.

**#28**

_Or_ handcuffing yourself to them. Your father was an idiot. Please don't follow in his footsteps.

**#29**

How did you even get handcuffs? Please don't steal them from the Sherriff's office.

**#30**

Running into the house and shouting "Someone's been murdered!" is not appreciated.

**#31**

Complaining that Aunt Daphne and I had so many adventures and did so much stuff when we were seven and twelve respectively is not an excuse for sneaking out of the house late at night.

**#32**

Using a charm to make everything in Aunt Red's room the color red is not okay.

**#33**

Do not hit your father, no matter how tempting it is sometimes.

**#34**

No referring to the Everafters as "fairy tale freaks".

**#35**

Asking someone to write a book about you so you can be immortalized as an Everafter is not okay.

**#36**

Trying to recreate Granny Relda's food and serving it during dinner is not allowed.

**#37**

No matter how many times you suggest it, just because we live in a town full of Everafters does not mean that we should build a castle in Ferry Port Landing.

**#38**

Just because you're a princess doesn't mean _we_ should live in a castle.

**#39**

Please don't refer to yourselves as the Sisters Grimm. That's specifically for Daphne and I.

**#40**

Nor can you refer to your cousins, Jake and Will, as the Brothers Grimm when they grow up. Even if they _are_ named after the original.

**#41**

Don't treat your Grimm Journal as a diary. I don't want to see anything along the lines of "Parker isn't noticing me today." in it.

**#42**

Inviting Aunt Cindy over to clean the house is not allowed.

**#43**

Going around Uncle Pinocchio and Aunt Daphne's house shouting "I SHIP DAPHERSEED!" is not allowed.

**#44**

Stop inventing ship names.

**#45**

Stop insisting that Storybrooke from Once Upon a Time is _also_ a real place and we should find it to compare our Everafters with their Everafters.

**#46**

On that note, don't insist that we should call the creators and sue them.

**#47**

Watching Disney movies with the Everafter the movie is talking about is not okay.

**#48**

You are not allowed to run around and scream that the sky is falling whenever your father and I show public displays of affection.

**#49**

Covering rooms with scarlet handprints and leaving cryptic notes saying "we're back" on April Fool's Day is never okay.

**#50**

No, I am not being an evil dictator by making this set of rules and you are not allowed to claim that this can be used as cause for starting a mini-revolution and getting your father to help you. That is final.

Love,  
Mom

* * *

**AN**: Err... Long time no see, eh?

For those of you who don't know me, seeing as a lot of new people joined the fandom, I'm Airene Archerway. Most people call me A though. I was a writer on this place like a year ago then I went AWOL. But now I'm back! Ta-da! *cue the fireworks being set off by the chimps* I recently started having plot bunnies fly through my head which made me want to write FF again. So, here I am.

All my old fics are going under reconstruction. THEN I'll work on a new story.

Anyway, I missed you guys! PM me if you wanna talk. :)))

Just to clear stuff up about this fic, Daphne and Pinocchio are married and have twins named Jacob "Jake" and Wilhelm "Will". Emma's best friend/partner in crime is the son of Peter Pan and Alison still has a crush on Parker. What's your favorite rule? Please review!

-A


End file.
